Concern
by sdde
Summary: This is Raven's side to the story Control. Prob OOC, pls tell if so. A look at how Rae reacts to BB's behaviour. No beta. Please review. Please flame if necessary.
1. Changes

**Concern**

**Changes**

She knew all of her team mates, her family, had changed since they had first met, even she had changed in those seven years. However, the changes in one of her comrades caused her serious concern. Ever since their first meeting she had known there was a lot more to him than a jester.

He wasn't the smartest, he let that be known, from what little she knew of his past she had never heard a mention of a school. This didn't mean he had never received education; Mento had struck her as a man who would be natural tutor, as well as his evident trainer. She knew he'd had a family before Mento and Elastigirl had adopted him at the age of ten, that was about all she knew and it bothered her. The most personal thing she knew about him was his name and he hadn't even been the one to tell her it.

Garfield.

She liked it, despite her mocking, but he hated it and she only resorted to using it to get a point across. She only mocked initially to avenge all his corny jokes, and the war of childish pranks between him and Victor that she was occasionally caught in the crossfire of.

She was never one to show her concerns, part of her upbringing, but they were numerous when it came to the subject of Garfield Logan. The first worrying aspect she noticed was his self doubt of his own strength, she only noticed this once after his defeat to Richard in their first ever sparring match. Richard had defeated him within 30 seconds and it had been evident that when he came too that he loathed himself for it. She could have sworn she heard him mutter, "Am I really this _weak_?" as the others tried to explain the fast one hit nature of the match.

What she most noticed over the years was his growing hypocrisy when it came to personal history and feelings; he would never tell anyone anything about his personal history, and guarded that privacy with a vengeance, but would persist to know about her and the others' pasts. He would always be there to try and comfort any of his comrades with either light, all be it bad, humour or a shoulder to be cried on. After Malchior had manipulated her and she had sent the dragon back to his book of a home, Garfield's words had been more effective than a year's meditation would have been. Yet, he would never let anyone calm him or comfort him when he obviously needed it.

The only time she had been able to catch him was after the Beast incident, that had been the first and last time she had seen or even felt his sorrow, even when Terra had basically ripped his heart into shreds he had kept silent. Before he had always hid any emotional or physical pain he had from those around, even from her empathic abilities, extremely well. After that he had always fled to a place where he could be alone with his pain: a place away from her powers of empathy. This concerned her, but despite his hypocrisy she respected the privacy of others since she valued her own greatly.

This did not mean she wasn't curious, what could cause someone like Garfield so much pain? Why would he never confide in any of those who loved him? Even Victor had told her Garfield never spoke about problems that caused him pain that would warrant his occasional retreats to absolute solitude. Why did he think it was okay for _him_ to suffer alone, but still think that everyone else should share their burden?

His anger was another story she often sensed that during either training, battle, or one his numerous silly videogame marathons with Victor that he was taming a hidden rage. She never felt it directed at anything, it was like he was alleviating pent up pressure that was supplied by the rage of an inner demon. She knew exactly what that was like, she calmed her rage, and other strong feelings, by meditation and its resistance had decreased dramatically after her father's defeat and she was gaining control now. Garfield, however, had never lost control without outside provocation, namely the chemicals that had made him the Beast and it had only grown stronger, she could only marvel at his control.

She didn't know what fuelled his anger; she had a list of possibilities: his animal instincts, the emotional pain he kept hidden, or perhaps possible self loathing for being _weak_, like she believed she had heard. She didn't even know why he kept behind his natural goofiness.

No matter what the answer was none of those theories explained the lengths he was willing to go too to keep his secrets, or what she saw when she first realised how much effort he put into it. One year ago he had asked for her books on keeping telepaths and empaths out of one's mind. The only thing she could feel was absolute confusion as questions raced from Nevermore from Knowledge and Wisdom: why would he want to keep her this much? He knew she respected privacy, didn't he? Has he been reading books to learn how to keep her out? Since when did he have the patience to read? Then she had seen his smile.

Now she understood why he wanted her to smile a genuine smile. It had been serene, it wasn't goofy, it wasn't forced and it wasn't fake. The happiness coming from him had been overwhelming, was that really how strong his emotions were? It had taken a stone resolve to just keep the look of confusion on her face; she didn't even have a chance of returning to her standard neutral face, as she asked him why he wanted the books. She had felt minor frustration when he gave a plausible excuse of wanting to keep his most prominent father figure from sensing his fear. Her concern returned with his sarcasm joke about keeping her out, he had meant every word he said not his tone, he wanted her out and to stay out.

Then three months ago her concerns grew further, his room was made immune to her powers of empathy, she hadn't been told, but when she felt Garfield simply disappear from her sight one night she half-panicked. She had immediately asked Victor why this had happened and when he reluctantly explained her emotions caused the light in his room to explode. She had left instantly and returned to her room to meditate and seek council with her emotions.

After her father's defeat her emotions were becoming more controlled for outbursts, but they were having a greater effect on her mind and behaviour, she wanted to be able to feel. But, now thanks to this increased sensitivity to her emotions she wasn't strong enough to bear knowing someone she knew was suffering and was experiencing that alone. She knew he needed the team, their family, as much as she did, and she now she realised he was, and always had been, experiencing pain that she experienced too: the pain of the past, the pain of being a monster, the pain of wanting strength. Why had it taken this long for her to realise this?

The difference was that she hadn't hid her pain merely refused to share it, until the others, including Garfield, had broken that resolve to be alone and bear it herself. How could he believe he should bear his pain alone? It would not make him _weak_ to share it! She had to calm herself, if he wanted help he would ask for it, he wasn't so proud that he would let his pain take him past his limit, would he?

Tonight, that had been her focus during meditation: calm herself and her feelings, and strengthen her resolve to let Garfield be and respect his decision. It was an interesting council in nevermore tonight; nearly every emotion had been divided on the issue, except for Rage who wanted to kill Garfield and Rude who went to sleep. Bravery had been in the middle of expressing of why she should let Garfield's decision stand when, she felt it.

Pain and… happiness or elation, it was Garfield, they were stronger then anything she had felt herself sensed from anyone else, how could be in this much pain and yet… this happy!? He was on the roof and that was where she decided she should and must be and she was there within a minute, phasing through the ceiling.

She would confront him and show him that she was not _weak_ and would bear this burden with him; all he had to do was make the right decision and take control.

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A/N: I'm still not sure if this was a good idea, but I wanted try and portray Raven's thoughts and since Control is from BB's point of view this story is the result. Pls tell me about any problems. Sorry if boring and/or crud. Control will always be come first and this will fill Raven's side of it. Sorry if OOC. And sorry if anyone thinks I've misinterpreted Rae, as a male I make no claim to understand the female mind, but that keeps me interested.


	2. Snow

**Snow**

She could see him leaning against the roof entrance/exit door breathing slowly; he was exhausted and close to losing consciousness. He seemed to pay her no mind as he gazed at the moon, which still illuminated the night brightly during the snowfall that now encased Jump City. Then he spoke seemingly to the moon, "Why do I get the idea that you're not the only one watching, huh, Rae?"

How had he…? "How on earth did you smell me out here, it's -10C and it's snowing?" she walked out of shadows of the generator she had been using for cover for all of 30 seconds. She had somehow been able to maintain her monotone; she had hoped she would be able to surprise him and force some easy answers out of him. Garfield was evidently better at defending his secrets than she thought. It didn't matter though she knew why she was here and what she had to do.

"I didn't, I heard you," he said scratching his ear, not turning to meet her eyes, "it's just no one else can get up by moving through the roof, can they?" So, that's how he had known it was her and not the others. "So, why have you come up here? I can't believe you heard me while you were sleeping, not forgetting it is 3 a.m." The question was valid, however, she was the one who deserved answers and she could tell he didn't want to give them. She would force him if she had too, but for now…

"What about you, _Garfield_?" she chose to cut to the point, knowing that his name would provoke a reaction. She moved in front him as she continued her argument, in the hope to state her point with eye to eye contact, "Since when do you stay awake past one o'clock in the morning, or wake up before eleven o'clock to make sure you're fully conscious for noon training just to avoid Robin's scolding?" She took a serious note that he still refused to look at her.

"Two things Rae. One: you know I don't like that name. Two: you avoided giving me an answer." Was his retort, his breathing was heavy and he couldn't put any force to his voice despite his efforts. His fatigue proved great enough to force him to sit in the cold snow, still while leaning against the door behind him. Yet, he still believed he could avoid explaining himself!? Fine! If he would refuse to accept his fault she would make him realise the consequences of his actions.

"I felt someone I care for in serious pain!" she snapped, his reaction was instant and exactly what she desired: he looked her directly in the eyes. She let her feelings be relayed to the bright emeralds he called eyes by her own amethyst eyes, if he didn't see her concern he truly was the idiot he portrayed himself as. "So, what the hell are you doing up here that would cause yourself so much pain!?"

Garfield evidently had to think over his to answer her question; she had hoped he was debating with himself over whether or not to tell her the truth, but then she noticed a flicker of an inner victory within his eyes. She instantly knew he wasn't debating whether or not to let her in, but still what would be the best way to keep her out. She was losing her patience; she levitated and moved forward quickly toward his seat in the snow, while he was still formulating his denial. His stubbornness was really beginning to test her.

"What are you tal- OW!" he started his lie, but squeaked when she brought her fist down on his head, "What the heck was that for? Hell, since when do punch people?" He couldn't even shout, let alone stand to argue with her, as a result of his fatigue. How dare he!? Did he really care this little about how she felt, or was he just a stubborn idiot!? How could he think he could escape giving her an answer!?

"That was your worst lie in the whole seven years since we met, _Garfield_! I thought it deserved a new calibre of punishment." She could not and would not let him have his way on this. Rage was becoming unmanageable and had started to yell, _"JUST KILL HIM"_ within Nevermore, how she held both her glare towards him and the monotone in her voice was beyond her.

"First off that was only an attempted lie, you didn't even let me finish. Second, how is it that worse than when you threw me through a window for pulling your hood down!?" Garfield retorted, his anger beginning to overpower his fatigue more and more with each word. Wait, was it affecting _her _anger?No, that wasn't possible, she had enough control to keep other people's emotions from affecting hers, but both of them were definitely feeling frustration. "And third, don't call me Garfield!" His voice had become low and deadly, and his eyes diverted back to the ground.

The threat added a new volume to Rage's yelling, but the instant regret Garfield emitted after it gave her the control to override Rage, partly anyway. She let her contempt for the green changeling out in a low sigh as she stood over him. "I think you know perfectly well how it is worse. It's personal!" she almost yelled it, and she heard the predictable outburst of aura cause an avalanche over the side of the roof, but it hadn't been as bad as she expected.

She had nearly lost control and now took the time to calm Rage's voice from Nevermore, and return to her normal neutral demeanour. She would need a definite council later, but now she had to make Garfield see just what kind of reactions his actions had caused in her. "I was in extended meditation as a result of our battle with Rag Doll. Then, two minutes before I came up, I sensed that _you_ were in pain excess to what I experienced during my father's resurrection. But, that is not what worries me the most: I could sense you were happy during that pain!" she couldn't help the emotions that crept into her voice, nearly all of the inhabitants of Nevermore were creaming for their opinions to be heard, but at least Rage remained silenced. "I realised where you were and instantly came here out of concern, and what do I find!?"

"'Concern'?" he was trying to distract her with embarrassment, but she could not and would not be stopped now by such petty tactics. He had been so sure of himself he had looked back into her eyes, one very serious mistake; she met his eyes with a look that she knew could only be described as demonic.

"I find you staring at the moon, close to passing out in sub-zero temperatures during a heavy snow fall! And you have the audacity to think you can avoid explaining why!?" The very concern he had tried to use against her was now her greatest weapon, she saw defeat in his eyes, but she could tell he wasn't giving in yet. Damn him!

"'Audacity'?"

She snapped.

"STOP IT!" This time she let her anger and annoyance take control of her voice, Rage was less than silent, but she was in control of everything now and wouldn't allow him to dismiss her concerns as if they were nothing. She picked him up with her powers and pinned him to the door, and levitated herself so their faces were within inches of inches of each other. Her eyes now told him she was in control and he would pay if he dared to ignore that statement. She didn't care how he felt about the idea, _she_ was in control. "I want, and I if I have to, I demand, an answer from you, _Beast Boy_!?" She gave him something to bite in the hope that his pride and ego would be satisfied.

She heard a low growl in his chest, as he acknowledged the situation, and then she took the image of him in.

He was soaked from the snow fall, just as she had become, but he showed no signs of shivering or hypothermia or any other responses the human body normally had to the cold. He had no ordinary body. After the inevitable growth spurt he had at 15 he surpassed her in height by half a foot, however, after a second he now stood a considerable 6ft 3in, one inch shy of a foot above her natural height. His body was something to be praised even though she never would, and she was constantly irritated by the comments of Affection on the subject. However, she would instantly dismiss the rebellious emotion to be silent. His dark green hair had been allowed to grow, after the Starfire's warning of his bald future, it was now half way to his shoulders and it now gleamed in the moon light. His eyes were the equivalent of ancient emeralds in colour, but they were not what defined him even though they were part of what did. His face was what defined him: the green skin, the stray fang that pointed out from behind his lips, the pointy ears, the sensitive nose, and the emeralds of his eyes completed the picture. When he smiled it would make others want to smile, even her, no matter what kind of smile it was he could lighten anyone's mood, even if they didn't show it.

Her eye contact with him hadn't broken at any point, but now Garfield's eyes then became focused; he was finished with his decision, and she knew he was serious. "Tell me something, Rae," his tone was nothing short of serious either, "I've seen you painting. Tell me, how do you paint? Does the picture grow in your mind as you paint, or do you start with the picture in your head and paint towards it?" This confused her, was he still stubborn enough to refuse to answer? "Rae, I will tell you what you want to know." Thank Azar for that.

She released her hold on him, he did not run, as she finally returned to her normal monotone, "The first."

"I use the second," his eyes remained locked with hers, "you're probably thinking 'Wait a minute Beast Boy can't paint', right?" he added with a grin. "You're right I can't. I sculpt. You know like clay. Every time I sculpt I want to be better than before. I'm happy, even excited like when I beat Cy at a new game, every time I succeed in carving the image I have in my head. So, I keep on sculpting new and more complex things, in order to be that happy again as well as to be better. Until recently I obeyed a rule: never sculpt something you haven't seen in the flesh. But tonight, I broke that rule and moulded the clay to a shape I only imagined, all so I would be better. I was very happy when I did it, but there's a side effect to all good hobbies. You sensed the side effect of me carving and setting the clay, which I always experience, but tonight it was stronger due to the new nature of the image I wanted to create."

All that she heard during his paused was what every emotion, even Rage and Rude, gasped in disbelieve at his words, as it rung through Nevermore, _"What did he just say?"_

"You probably want me to quit this hobby, but all I say is this. The end product is worth it, and I am _not _saying that because of the happiness I mentioned, I say it because I need to be better." His tone had remained completely serious, but now it changed to something beyond that. It was if it expressed an unbreakable rule, or… a way of life?

"I refuse to be _weak_ anymore, Raven. This is how _I_ become stronger," then he smiled at her, that smile she had basically come treasure, that true and genuine smile. Ever since she had first seen it she would have given anything to see it again, but now… why did he smile now? "Don't worry about what you sensed tonight Raven. This will be the only time you see behind the mask."

It was as if she had been cut off from the world, all that existed to her were his words and the snow, and she couldn't even hear Nevermore, or the words he said before leaving her alone on the snow covered roof. The snow continued to fall around her.

His words may have been in metaphors, but she knew exactly what he had said, she could believe it and accept it, what she couldn't believe or accept was the fact he had never said it before to any of them. _Mask?_ He even called it that himself!? How could he live like this, hide everything that ever pained him? Never have someone to share the burden with him. It would not make him weak to share it, it would make him stronger to have his loved ones by his side, didn't he learn that from the battles the team shared? Wait, did he think they would not help him? No. She knew him well enough to know that wasn't a possibility, he probably had some kind of deluded idea of not hurting her and the others with his burden. He was such a hypocrite!

However, her most troubling concern was his 'sculpting' it obviously meant his powers, but to think every shape shift caused him pain, possibly as strong as she sensed earlier, was terrifying to her. Furthermore, he was trying to gain more control on his powers even though doing so caused him that much physical. Not to mention it made him _happy_!

The voices in Nevermore finally broke through, as snow flake tickled her nose, _"Raven! You need to meditate, now. We must hold a council on the issue that troubles you so."_ It was Wisdom. She had to agree. She would keep this from the other Titans, for now, to respect Garfield's wish for secrecy but she would not stand idle. How she would act would be determined when she entered Nevermore.

She phased through the roof, leaving the snow fall behind, and placed her feet on the floor of her room. She looked out the room length window before closing the curtain on the snow, silently wishing her task would be easier than looking through the falling white.

She sat on the floor, in the lotus position, and began to chant, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." She entered Nevermore with new resolve. She would not let Garfield suffer alone, because she was not _weak_andrefused to let him bear such a burden alone.

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A/N: Once again this is meant to be Raven's viewof the events inControl, in this case the chapter Clay. I apologise if anyone notices plot holes, pls inform me if there is. Apologies if crud and/or boring and if OOC. Irestate the truth ofme having no realunderstanding of the female mind and pray to a god, I made up, that I was half right. Pls inform me of misinterpretation you think I may have Another thing: the poll on Control's no.of chapters does't apply to this, only the ending of this will be affectecd. R&R.


	3. Portrait

**P****ortrait**

Her task of deciding how to approach Garfield proved to be much harder than expected. After she had realised what he put himself just to be stronger her resolve had been absolute: she would help Garfield and make him realise that he could seek help and not be considered _weak_ by anyone, including himself. However, the council with her emotions had not helped her reach a decision quickly; each had had different way of dealing with her situation. Some she would dismiss, like Affection who suggested showing how much she cared for him by hugging him, some didn't even offer a solution, namely Rude, but most of her emotions had offered valid methods and the right course of action eluded her for several days.

It had been when Wisdom had suggested an indirect tactical method of attacking one of Garfield's defences rather than what he defended, she felt they had found something. Knowledge instantly provided good reason to the idea by pointing out that Garfield would be expecting a direct attack after their argument in the snowfall three days before. She agreed, but it still left the question of what defences he had and which was the right one to attack. She knew if she chose wrong she could hurt him, or get hurt as he defended himself, she desired neither because then he would simply cut himself off further from help and then she might even have to involve the others. That course was very unappealing to her: One he really could end up hating her. Two she wanted to help him personally, this bothered her though because she didn't know why she wanted this, but she wanted to be in control of this.

The list of Garfield's obvious defences was very concerning when she thought about it. Not only was the list long but it contained defences that were extremely difficult to attack for someone she had initially judged to be relatively simple when it came to a game of mental wits. Why did he have to be so bothersome? He never talked about his past, for three years after the Beast he had fled the tower on numerous occasions to hide how he felt, the _real_ smiles that never reached his eyes, the books he had borrowed from her, the fact his room was sealed against her empathy. She had believed that was all of them until Wisdom said she was overlooking a simple one that Garfield had most likely not prepared an explanation for. As usual the burgundy cloaked emotion had left her bemused.

The only clue Wisdom gave was that the defence was a constant in Garfield appearance and would not usually spark any suspicion and then remained in stubborn silence. Wisdom's habit of giving clues rather than answers and letting her figure it out was rather testing at times, she had then mulled over the constants that she could think of when it came to Garfield. Happy had chirped up with "He's furry, funny and has pointy ears," and then started giggling; she had then decided to ignore Happy for a little while. Her list had been _'Green, out sticking fang, erm, handsome eyes, muscular, a sharp jaw…Affection!' _The lilac cloaked emotion had simply whistled, keeping a very unconvincing mask of innocence. She had become frustrated then, this bringing back memories of how well Garfield could irritate her, but then it hit her. 

His gloves. Everytime he held up his hands to defend himself after annoying her he was wearing gloves, and now that she thought about it he always wore gloves, she had never seen his hands. Why? She had turned back to Wisdom who simply gave a knowing smile and nod. After further advice from her emotions, mainly Wisdom and Knowledge, she decided that it would be best to catch him unawares, so as to give him little chance of preparing a fake explanation and while the others were occupied so as to avoid interruption. 

These desired conditions took another two days to meet, but now everything was to her liking. Richard and Starfire were on a date and Victor was out 'cruising' in his 'baby', sometimes she really could not understand the male psyche. As she entered the common room she found Garfield watching another movie marathon, and she noticed it was of the horror genre which would work to her advantage. She approached silently and avoided detection due to his evident enthrallment at, what appeared to be, the original Halloween.

Once she was close enough to actually see his face she couldn't help but be fascinated, but also concerned, at the peacefulness of it, despite the tension she could feel from him as a result of the film. She would even go as far to say it was picturesque. He was completely cut off from the world and it seemed to comfort him, as if he didn't have to feel a pain reality gave him. This reminded her of the reason she was here, and it only increased her resolve to help him, to see behind the 'mask'.

"Why do you always hide them?" she asked, the immediate reaction was a terrified squeal and fake, but not so fake, heart attack as Garfield collapsed on the floor. Good, she had surprised him in the least. She kept her face neutral, whilst listening to Happy have a laughing fit in Nevermore, as she waited for him to answer as he picked himself up. She could sense evident confusion within him.

"Please, don't do that, Rae! You scared me worse than when Silkie ate an entire 'cake' that Star made." This joke simply caused Happy to laugh harder, but once again she remained neutral. "Why do I hide what?" he asked, confirming the confusion she sensed, seating himself back on the sofa.

"Your hands," she stated calmly as she seated herself next to him, a little closer than usual, while shutting off the television and cutting off any escape plan he might have come up with during the imminent conversation. She would not let him get out of this. "Since the first time I met you I have never seen your hands in your human form. Not even in an off guard moment, or when you wear civilian clothes, you always wear gloves. Why?"

She felt an immediate spike in his anger, more than likely due to frustrated surprise, proving her strategy was working. Plus, it caused Happy to finally stop laughing. "Who said I hide them?" She was already prepared for this.

"You," she replied, "just now. You maybe able to hide some things from me, _Garfield_, but you are not perfect and neither are your attempts to mask how you feel. I can easily deduce from the simple anger you are feeling that my question hit a sore point." His anger only increased further.

"Then leave it! If you can tell it's a sore point then don't attack it! And don't call me that!" he snapped, his breathing was sharp and his fists were clenched in anger. She had to admit she was surprised at how well her tactics were working, maybe she knew him better than she thought. He turned away, as she had foreseen, searching for the television remote in the hope of escaping her questions and concerns. She could not and would not allow this, and had already dealt with the possibility. She took out the remote from her cloak, which she had teleported there the instant she had sat down while he was facing her, and held it at shoulder height in her right hand.

"You are not getting away from this, _Garfield_," she stated, causing him to turn and face her again and felt his instant surprise at realising that she had obtained the remote without him even sensing it. "Why so surprised? You are not the only one who wants to be in greater control of their power, _Garfield_." He growled darkly at her, his anger increasing.

"Why are you mocking me?" His voice thick with the intent of a threat, she could tell, he was willing to fulfil. He was now looking her directly in the eyes; his look was as threatening as his tone and she matched it all the way. How stubborn could he be?

"I am not mocking you; I am reminding you not to underestimate me, _Garfield_." She allowed her gaze to soften as she answered him, but she did not allow it to faulter. She had maintained her monotone but she, now, sent her concerns with it, so he could see how she felt, she let her eyes scream it at him, and was sure he smell her concern as well. Surely he wasn't so stubborn he would ignore this, was he? She could already sense his anger subsiding and felt relief at that notion, "Now, please, answer my question."

"First: don't call me that," he replied, however, his voice now contained a light humour, as well as the sound of defeat. Thank Azar he wasn't that stubborn. "Second: they are ugly." 

"What?" Was the unison response in Nevermore, she couldn't help but let it out, she agreed. What in the name of Azar did he mean? Her confusion instantly appeared on her face, she couldn't help that either. "How can your hands be ugly? I know that your hands have claws and perhaps other animal traits, as well as possible battle scars, but 'ugly'?"

"Tell me, Rae, how do people with sight, or even some of those who don't, identify another person is not a monster?" That didn't help her confusion at all, to which Garfield gave a tired sigh, "It's their face. Those with sight judge another by their face, even some who are blind can judge a person by their face or by other methods. I'm not talking about what a face looks like compared to others, namely pretty or ugly, in the cosmetic sense. Yeah, some don't bother to look past the abnormal in a face since they fear the abnormal and that's their loss; it leaves them unable to see all of those who are around them. Plus, that's part of what others will see in them. But to judge 'who a person is' you look at their face: their eyes show where they've been, and to the trained eye, what they've experienced and how they felt at the time. While expressions show how they feel at the moment of then and there. If you put this alongside their actions then you know whether that person is 'human' or is a 'monster'. There is never any greater detail other than someone's basic personality, e.g. evil or good, _weak_ or strong." She half understood his point, and could tell he knew the way he said it was flawed, but…

"How is this related to your hands being 'ugly'?"

"Simple: your hands are how you judge yourself. They are the one constant you see everyday, if you're fortunate enough to have them, and they are a textbook to the past you may remember or may have forgotten. When you look at your hands you know where to look and how to read your own past from them, and you know how felt at every moment. You can judge yourself from the lines, hairs, nails, and any permanent marks left on your hands." Now she understood; to him his hands presented a self-portrait of his personality and he called it, called himself… 'ug-ug-l' the very thought caused her eyes to sting with tears, how could he see himself like that? No matter what his past was he was not _ugly_ in any sense, he was not a _monster_. He was good, kind, brave and had seen hope in her, as the others had as well, rather than just the demon that nearly the whole world saw when they looked at her. How could he see himself in this way? Did he actually…? "Rae?" the concern in Garfield's voice brought her back to reality.

"H-h-how can you see yourself as- as -?" she still couldn't process the thought, let alone say it.

"'Ugly'?" he cut in, "I can read them, Rae, and I have memorized exactly what they say, and simply put the whole picture sickens me." Once again Garfield had left her in a position of complete paralysed shock, as he stood and turned away from her, hopped over the sofa and headed for the main exit of the Tower. How could he hate himself in this way? She had never hated him, even when he had annoyed her to no end, and could not even process the idea of hating him.

"Rae, now you know why I hide my hands, my past, from even my own eyes. You might think my past cannot be worse than yours, you're right, but what it proves is. So, I will ask this one time: do not try to break my mask: you will not like what you see." His tone had changed, it wasn't neutral and it wasn't a threat, it was a plea, it was if he was begging her to stay away in the fear that she would hate him. At the sound of main doors opening she stood to argue so she could tell how wrong he was, but he cut off before she began, "My past is a burden, it is mine and mine alone, and I will bear it alone. I can not and will not share it, because, I am no longer _weak_." The doors closed, leaving her alone in her distress.

She could not believe him. How could he believe she would hate him? Didn't he know how she saw him as family; how all of the Titans saw him? Was he really such a hypocrite? She had hated herself because of her past and heritage and what her destiny had been predicted as. Garfield, and the others, had saved her from that and shown her that hating oneself due to past forced upon oneself is simply wrong. Perhaps Garfield's view of himself came from a choice, or what seemed to be a choice to him, he had made. It didn't matter, even if that was the case; he hated himself for a past he refused to share, something he had not allowed her to do for her benefit and now she would do the same for him.

That past, that burden, was enough to cause him sorrow and rage; she knew he hid it from them for two reasons. The thought that his pain would harm them if he let them see it combined with a desire she shared, to protect the ones he loved, gave his drive not to be _weak_ reason to bear the burden alone. But also because he feared their reaction to seeing what caused that burden, that pain.

She would have to show him what he meant to them, to her, and make him realise that no matter what his burden she, and the others, would neither hate or view him as _weak _if he shared it with them.

----------------

A/N: I really do want to know if this was okay, because I half feel I went a bit random. The reason Rae notices Garfield's fear before he does is for three reasons: 1. BB is using the _weak_ point because he genuinelybelievesit and does not search for a greater reasoning. 2. Raven is Raven, need I say more? 3. I am believer that women can read men alot better than men can read women. This statement is made as a dude whogenerally follows the orders of the women in his life out of fear because he just can't understand how their minds work. (no offense meant to anyone) Please review.


	4. Rebellion

**Rebellion**

It had been three days since she had last approached Garfield and the council with her emotions had been less than helpful. She knew exactly what she wanted to tell him and even partly how, it was how she would make him listen that currently troubled her. He was stubborn in everything he did; his mission to make her laugh, his videogame contests against Victor and Richard, his beliefs as a vegan (or at least when he defended them against Victor). Yet, somehow when it came to the matter of his own personal pains he was more stubborn than any animal he had ever transformed._ 'Damn him! Why did he have to be so annoying, bothersome, mysterious, intriguing, alluring?'_

"Affection!" Her yell filled Nevermore, where she was still discussing the Garfield 'problem' as she saw it. "I thought I warned you about affecting my thoughts, especially when they involve Garfield!"

"I didn't do anything, Raven." Affection replied with an air of fake innocence. "You're merely thinking what you want to think about him; I only feel what you feel." The lilac cloaked emotion's expression turned to a rather suggestive smile, which caused her to feel fear greater than she had felt on the eve of her sixteenth, before continuing further. "You should be more careful, Raven, or I could become something much more important than affection when it comes to Garfield." She did not like that threat. She knew Affection would not and could not make that threat without meaning it, not after the previous time she had let the emotion become more important with Malchior.

"She is correct, Raven." Wisdom's voice cut in, causing her to face her burgundy clad perception. "We have been thinking about Garfield a lot recently, all of those thoughts have been about helping him, and one thing can only lead to another. We already see him as family, but you have not given him a mental boundary within that view." Wisdom paused at her confused expression and smiled, as if knowing what caused it, as to be expected of Wisdom really. "Victor is the protective elder brother that can make us feel better because he simply knows what to say, as he is for the others as well. Starfire is our sister, which you definitely need no matter how you persist that her 'talk of the girls' and 'sprees of shopping' annoy you. Richard has become a brother, or even a father figure, we trust and that understands us due to your mental link and is the first one you turn too in times of desperation. Garfield is different, _very different_. He doesn't understand us naturally, but wants too, and succeeds on various occasions. The night after Malchior," Wisdom paused again, seeing and knowing the pain she still felt at the name, "is direct evidence of that."

"How does that make him different!" She interrupted not seeing the strength in Wisdom's argument, "From what you say Richard is one I should feel the most for!" She knew she didn't feel for Richard that way but her point was valid.

"Richard has never tried knowing, understanding or helping us without an exterior reason." Wisdom replied, she could feel her own eyes widen as the emotion continued. "That reason is often your own request, because you need his help, because he is the leader of the team and he can read our thoughts: The prophecy of our sixteenth being the best example of that. I am not saying he does not care. He does, otherwise he wouldn't try to help even when you ask, but he has never acted of his own accord. Garfield has." That was a truth she could not argue with. "He discovered our birthday sipmly because you stated we wanted to be ready for it. He continues to try and make you smile in anyway he can think of, despite your still constant retaliation. He was there for you after Malchior, because he knew exactly how we felt." She couldn't argue with that either. Even though he hadn't allowed her to sense it, she was sure Garfield had been devastated by Terra's betrayal and that had been only months before Malchior. "Let's not forget his actions as the Beast are rather suggestive as to how he thinks of us."

"What?" She asked with a raised voice, now completely confused. "He protected me from Adonis, how is that suggestive?" The ever all-knowing look on Wisdom's face did not help her keep rational, and she was certain if Rage had attended the council Wisdom would be on the defensive side of a very aggressive fight. Patience was not something she had an abundance of right now and she wanted that answer now! "Wisdom…"

"Raven if I know the answer to that question then so do you. All you need to do is realise it and accept it. Perhaps you should talk to Knowledge." At this she instantly turned to Knowledge who looked completely off guard, well that crushed any hope of getting the answer from the yellow cloaked emotion.

"It doesn't matter anyway; he hates us, that's why he shuts us out. He doesn't trust us, we should just not bother him and maybe he won't hate us." Timid muttered from behind her, voicing some of her fears to the rest of her emotions.

"Stop being stupid!" Bravery shouted in Timid's ear, causing Timid to whimper and sit facing the ground; Happy instantly went to try and help cheer the crying emotion with a barrage of farting noises. "We should just make him tell us what we want to know." Bravery continued, patting Timid on the head. "Even if he hates us afterward we should help him."

"Wisdom," Knowledge finally began while regaining some composure, resulting in her turning back to face her spectacled 'brain', "you know that I can not perceive Raven's memories and knowledge, that's your role as an emotion. All I can do is know the facts and relate them to previous knowledge Raven possesses." This brought a smile to Wisdom's face, the sight of which brought a definite roar from Rage's realm and to be honest she wanted to join in. The smile vanished and Wisdom instantly locked eyes with her, something she shouldn't have allowed since Wisdom's eyes were practically designed to be lost in.

"Calm down, Raven, anger will not help you understand." Again, she couldn't argue with the emotion's words. Rage's influence was never a helpful one in these situations. She needed to be calm, despite Wisdom's mind games. "Knowledge, please tell us, what would you relate Garfield's actions as the Beast too?" Wisdom asked while keeping eyes locked with hers.

"Well, an animal protec-" Knowledge began but was cut off by very loud alarm. _Damn it!_ The distraction had been enough to completely draw her out of meditation, she stood frustrated and imagining the ways she could torture the moronic villain who had chosen to interrupt her. She reached the common room within a minute, finding that she was the penultimate Titan to arrive, Garfield was last as was per usual.

"This had better be worth it, Richard." She stated with a hint of venom added to her monotone. The leader nodded his assurance before explaining the problem; at least she would have an outlet for her current irritation.

"The H.I.V.E. 5 and Adonis have teamed up to break in to the main city bank vault; I've already contacted Flash and Jinx for support. Titans, Go!" She was really getting tired of that little tradition of his, but she followed suit as the rest of team moved out. Richard and Victor taking their respective vehicles, while she, Starfire, and Garfield took to the sky. Garfield, once again, had sealed his emotions from her and this only troubled her further as she flew towards the heist in progress.

Richard had already formulated a plan by the time of their arrival and quickly explained that one of them would have to distract Adonis, who seemed to be the ever important look out, so the other six Titans could approach the vault for a surprise arrival: standard tactics, but often effective. Garfield almost volunteered for the role, more than likely out of a sense of rivalry, but she sensed a hint excitement which lead her to believe he enjoyed fighting the over compensating villain. Despite her concern over this apparent thirst for battle she kept quiet for his privacy's sake, and it never really paid to make a public spectacle over an assumption. Not to mention she rather preferred her persona of not caring overly for her green comrade; it kept assumptions of her feelings to a minimum.

Once inside the vault area they divided up into three pairs; she was reluctantly paired with Jinx. Not that she held any personal grudge against the reformed villainess, perhaps a little one over the fact Jinx had raided her room once. She just didn't enjoy the witch's sense of humour, or the fact they were often compared to each other for appearances; it just bothered her that she could be compared to someone who had a completely different personality to herself. _Wait._ When did she start caring about how people thought of how she looked compared to others? That was definitely going to be a question for her emotions later.

She teleported herself and Jinx to inside the vault, re-entering the world from just behind a stack of gold a little distance from the entrance. Instantly recognising Kyng Wykkyd and Colnel H.I.V.E. as the two figures currently emptying the vault by teleportation and muscle respectively. They both waited for Richard's signal, which came in the form of another, "Titans, Go!" at which she was certain Jinx had mouthed 'Laaamme', maybe she could appreciate the witch's jokes on occasion.

Jinx started the fray with a charm, which caused several of the higher up stacks of gold to topple from their respective floors; this was sure one big vault. Wykkyd transported himself and his team-mate out of the drop zone but she sent several aura encased gold blocks to meet them as they reappeared just inside of the vault entrance. Wykkyd then shifted to directly behind Jinx and attempted a roundhouse kick but met only air as Jinx dodged using expert gymnastics heading further into the vault. With that match determined she focused on H.I.V.E.; a relatively simple opponent but not one to be underestimated. He charged at with the intent of breaking her nose, she dodged the punch easily as well as the back sweep kick that followed. She retaliated by levitating several of the tiles on the surrounding and throwing them towards the villain. He blocked several by simply destroying them through punching, but one of the concrete blocks crashed into his chest sending him several feet back before hitting the ground. Then, she was cut off from what was happening.

She just wanted to laugh, she really wanted to laugh; she just felt so happy. No, she didn't, it was Garfield. '_What!_ _How can his emotions be this strong! I should have control, his emotions shouldn't control my own__!'_ "Hahaha!" She just couldn't hold it in, and the laughter just made her feel even happier. Then, something changed. What she felt was no longer happiness, it was rage, his rage. _'How can it be this strong!_' It was overwhelming; she could feel her Rage become stronger by the second, with each second she could feel herself begin lose her control.

_'No!'_ She refused to lose control, especially to Rage; she needed to keep her control. If she couldn't, then how would she convince Garfield to share his burdens with her? He would never be able trust her to bear that burden which he refused to share, the burden that was root source of his anger and pain. She carefully focussed her will and began to reign in Rage from rebellion.

Then, she felt a serious impact to her skull; H.I.V.E. had decided to attack while she wasn't able to defend herself. This sent her flying out of the vault before she met the floor of the vault entrance area with very loud crack. She felt Rage begin to take over, but refused to simply give in. She wasn't _weak_ and she needed to show this to Garfield; to show him could trust her strength to bear his burdens with him. _'No! Rage… I won't let you have control! I am not weak! I __can not and will not__ give Garfield reason to ignore my concern!'_

'_YOU SHOULD JUST SUFFER, WEAK LITTLE ONE!'_ Was the angered reply from Nevermore, her vision began to fade; the battle strewn room being replaced by a sheet of crimson.

_'No…'_

She lost consciousness as her vision faded to a field of crimson red.

A/N: What do you think? I hope it was half worth the wait, since I got the impression the latest Control chapter wasn't worth nthe delay of this. I hope Wisdom's switching of single and plural pronouns wasn't confusing. The singles are used by Raven always, and by emotions when referring to her mind personally or another emotion. The plurals are meant to refer to Raven as a whole as she is een by the outside world. e.g. BB's opinion of Raven is referred to with plural.


	5. Warm

**Warm**

She was living a nightmare; she could see her friends fighting for there lives and she could not reach them it was torture simply with that but she was what tried to kill them. She could see everything Rage saw but Rage was in control and she had no influence over the actions of her body. This was a dream, but she knew that this was what Rage wanted her to see, which meant she was unconscious in Nevermore; she needed to wake up now! Her friends, her family, were too precious to her she needed to protect them or else she would be nothing, however, Rage was too strong at this point and refused to allow her to wake up. All she could do, over than try to awaken into Nevermore, was watch as her family and the H.I.V.E 5 tried to fend off the attacks she sent their way.

Then, something changed; almighty crash erupted from the ceiling, and then the corresponding floor beneath it, and she knew exactly who it was, _'Garfield'_. Even in her current dream state she could sense his fear, his desperation and especially his anger; he had come to save her and he wanted to make Rage pay. She couldn't help feeling elated at this realisation; even though she knew it already confirmation that he cared for made her happy, she fought this feeling back on the recognition that he could harmed if she let Rage continue. She attempted to will her eyes open but still found no luck, at this she resorted to a last ditch attempt and used whatever power she had at this point to stop Rage sensing Garfield's presence, and from the fact her vision did not focus on her green comrade meant that she at least succeeded in this goal.

However, in the end Garfield provoked Rage's attention by approaching at serious pace and she was forced to take in his image; he was the Beast but his eyes were focused and contained the signs of higher intelligence, that didn't sound right when talking about Garfield but anyway, he was in control and did not fear her current state. For some reason his gaze diverted from her, and she held her breath as he used his other senses to avoid the attacks being fired from _her_ hands; the feeling of Rage's grin did not make her feel any better. Then she noticed his hands; he was signalling to someone and she was shocked by their meaning.

"_My problem let me handle it. Empty the vault and close it when we're in there."_ His problem? How was this, his problem? Did he know that his anger had affected her own? He couldn't know that, yet he had already jumped to the conclusion to blame himself… Her thought process ended briefly as Garfield barely dodged a horizontal blade of aura that aimed to cut him in half as he re-focused on her, although he avoided death her arm sent a barrier wave of aura that sent him flying to her left. She winced as he landed with a thud, his claws digging in the concrete tiles; he seemed to examine her, or rather Rage's, expression before advancing again; she was ashamed, she didn't want him to see her like this, as a battle crazed _monster_. How would he trust her with his burdens if she could not control the effect his emotions had on her? The only thing Rage's presence helped to prove was that she could not help him, that's how he would see it; he would see her as _weak_.

She was brought back to the events of her dream when she felt Garfield's claws pass her face by only an inch and took her hood with them. Rage's reaction was instant; a blood thirsty cry left her mouth as her vision turned and chased a green cheetah which was running at full pace toward the vault. She panicked; she needed to stop Rage now, before Garfield was hurt. He was too precious to her, she refused to let one part of her harm him when the rest of her valued him so greatly. She put every part of her will into opening her eyes, even as her mouth moved to yell at him, "STOP RUNNING YOU COWARD OF A CAT!" she did not let Rage's actions distract her; she had to awaken now.

A line of the red and black sky crossed her vision, but it closed as she was drawn to the site that had presumably caused it through causing Rage serious confusion; Garfield had obeyed Rage's yell and entered his human form. _'No, Garfield, run! She'll kill you, please, RUN!' _she screamed in her head. Her desperation at his actions was reflected in magnitude by the confused irritation in Rage's voice.

"What?" her lips continued to move in sync with Rage's words, "You aren't afraid?" Garfield simply met her, Rage's, eyes and didn't flinch under them.

"Do I look afraid?" was his reply, even though this caused an increase of anger on her face, she smiled internally. Normally he would cower in fear of her angered stare and beg for mercy, but now he stood defiance of it when she wasn't the one giving it, and this made her inexplicably happy. He feared her when she was angry, but he did not fear her anger; _why did that make her happy_?

Her internal smile at her dream vanished as a ball of aura formed in her hand, _'RUN, GARFIELD!'_ Her mind pleaded as her arm moved to push the ball down through his gut, why was she allowing this!? He dodged the move expertly by flipping backwards into the vault, leaving her hand to hit the ground; the ball of aura exploding on contact. She felt the maniacal grin spread across her face again as Rage raised her vision so she faced Garfield again.

"Well," Rage said darkly with her voice, "YOU SHOULD BE!" Her body then flew towards Garfield, whom once again became the Beast, and she knew Rage had every intent of ripping him to shreds. She renewed her battle to awaken from this _real_ nightmare; she needed to protect the one she loved, she needed to protect Garfield, no matter the effort required to do so. After around two minutes, that felt eternally longer, of watching Garfield avoid the attacks Rage fired at him from her hands she finally saw Nevermore's sky once again. This was when she would leave her dream, her nightmare; she refused to acknowledge the sound of the vault door closing.

She finally regained conscious to find she was atop an island of rock floating on lake of lava and surrounded by a cage; Rage's prison when it was needed. It didn't matter, she had built this cage and she destroy it, "WHY THE HELL HAVE YOUR 'FRIENDS' DONE SOMETHING SO POINTLESS!? LEAVING YOU IN HERE ALONE, AND IN A PLACE I CAN EASILY ESCAPE FROM WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!" Rage's roar only increased her urgency in gathering the energy she needed.

However, she needed to be calm, "Simple!" she steadied her breathing and began to chant as Garfield's words rang through Nevermore, "I told them to! I told them to trust me and let me handle you, Rage!" Her concentration was broken by the last word, and she felt a content smile spread across her face. He did not even recognise Rage as the same person as her, this fact just made her even happier than his defiance of Rage's glare she didn't know why, but being recognised in this way just made her feel… she couldn't describe how it made her feel. Good in a word. Whatever that feeling was Rage certainly did not feel that way, the feral roar that echoed through Nevermore made her restart her chanting instantly in the knowledge that Rage had lost patience.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING!? HANDLE ME!?" she heard the yell, but did not let it affect her, "ALL YOU DO IS RUN LIKE THE COWARDLY LITTLE CAT YOU ARE!"

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!_" she released the built up energy and aura slashed through the cage and she instantly flew towards the black and red sky, while encasing her hands in knife edge aura. This was the fastest way to retrieve her body, rather than having to create a portal to challenge Rage with her mind; the sky was one itself it just required an aggressive approach to open, and she could manage aggressive very easily at this point.

"_I AM RAVEN_!" Rage's statement did not affect her in the slightest, but she instantly felt Garfield's reaction; anger beyond anything Rage had every possessed. The roar that now met her ears made Rage's from earlier sound like a timid cat and then something changed within Nevermore: the sky. Two yellow beads appeared in the sky, causing her to halt her ascent toward it, the beads seemed to be eyes which then began to consume the entire sky of Nevermore. Rage was being overpowered by Garfield's anger which she could sense had led him to be willing to kill Rage just for saying those three words, how could it be this strong? She did not need an answer now; this would make her task simpler.

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!_" she brought back her hands in a double axe like motion and swung them forward, cutting through the now yellow fabric of the sky. Beyond it was her eyes' line of vision; she was facing the ceiling, which had claw marks in it and she could sense Garfield's claw scratch her cheek. She forced her hand forward and grabbed something that only became visible when she grabbed it: Rage. She pulled back the rebellious emotion from control of her body and Nevermore, she turned back to her physical vision to find that her body had lost consciousness, and she had enough faith in Garfield to save her. She resealed the sky, which returned to its original colour pattern rapidly; she now had control again not Rage. Said emotion was acting rather out of character; Rage was clinging to her as if in fear of its own existence, like a child would a mother.

"D-doo-n't ma-kke him mad li-ke that, not a-ag-gain," was Rage crying!? This was certainly never part of Rage's place in her mind, but what could she do? She brought a hand to Rage's hair and stroked it gently as she lowered them slowly to the ground, trying not to cause any more _fear_ in her emotion; she guessed this _fear_ was primal since that was the only form that could possibly be connected to Rage, but it still confused her greatly. She summoned her other emotions as she did this and then gave Rage to Affection and Happy to comfort, and for first time ever Rage did not object to being in the presence of her other emotions. She was about to discuss what to do next with Wisdom, but then another first occurred.

Rain fell from the sky in Nevermore; there were no clouds it just fell, _what in the..!?_ Then she felt Garfield's emotions, "Don't you dare, Garfield Logan!" he was blaming himself for something that was beyond his control! She closed her eyes and re-entered her body and slowly opened her physical eyes and noticed the sting of a thin cut across her left cheek. He was sitting next to her and crying into his gloved hands; he was letting fear, self doubt, and self hatred consume his entire being. She would not allow him to do this; he did not have to blame himself for everything, he did not have to be alone!

She leapt forward and gripped him tightly around the torso and brought her mouth to his ear, "STOP!" she yelled feeling the blood from her cut trickle between the skins of their cheeks. "Please, stop it, Garfield" her voice was gentle and quiet; she knew it needed to be, "Stop thinking of ways to hate yourself, Garfield. You are too good a person to hate." Even though this was truth she sensed his disbelieve, he had evidently given up his defences finally, but not his stubbornness. She brought her head back to face his eyes for when he stopped hiding behind his hands, and she would make sure he did because she wanted to see his eyes, but she refused to loosen her hold on him. "Don't you dare question me. I do not blame you for anything, and I remember all of it, Garfield.

"You probably blame your outburst earlier for giving Rage the chance to take control of me, I won't lie, you're right. But, you are still not to blame. Do you know how strong _your_ rage is?" The only response was a sniff; he still could not face her, and the poor _boy_ didn't realise he had no reason to hide. _Fine_, she would make him realise that, "It's strong enough to overpower mine in her raw form to such an extent Rage was overcome with primal fear, she still avoided your attack for all intents and purposes, but I was able re-challenge her and defeated her thanks to that." She felt it best not to describe how his anger had been enough to reduce Rage to the level of a terrified child, but it was still not enough for him to face her, so was it the intent she had sensed in those eyes that overpowered Rage? "As for your killer intent: you are such a hypocrite!" this caused him reveal his face out of surprise at her statement and she finally achieved her goal of facing him eye to eye, but it was true. He was blaming himself for letting his anger at Rage become so strong he had been willing to kill Rage despite the fact it would kill her, but did not blame her for allowing the killer intent Rage had displayed during the entire fight.

"You think you can bear such an emotional force alone!? Not only that, but its fuel is the burden you refused to share in the first place! Your sorrow! It out wages any of the others' and mine by several times, because you don't share it! This refusal is because you are not '_weak_'? Yet you think everyone else should share their burden and be happier, yet, you suffer alone! Now, when you lose control of the reaction to your pain you see yourself as '_weak_'and'_ugly_'!?" Her voice was scolding as intended but was also tearful and that was not something she could stop, the truths she had just laid out to him hurt her; she just could not and would not understand his reasoning for them. They hurt enough to make want to her cry and that's what she did, she had to, this only provoked tears to fall from his eyes once again as he slumped forward breaking eye contact.

"You have the strongest emotions I have ever sensed and yet you keep them controlled behind a mask of _real_ happiness and let them fester until they break you; like they have now. You have done this to keep the world from seeing your pain and the ones that love you from sharing it with you, like we would want too. Garfield," she somehow managed to halt her tears, "you are the strongest and most beautiful person I know, alongside our other family, but…" she removed her right arm from her embrace and then cupped his cheek and raised his face to gaze again into the forest emeralds. She let her eyes tell him her concern to let him know how serious her next request was, "Please, let me in at least, Garfield, and share your burden with me. I want to help you as you have helped me through out the time we've known each other, let me show you what you look like in the eyes of those who love you. I cannot bear the thought of someone I love hating themselves, but I am not _weak_ and I can bear any burden you are willing to share."

The following stare lasted for several minutes but she wouldn't have cared if it had lasted for years; she had finally told him what he meant to her, or at least what he had meant to her. As she had spoken she had realised how she thought of him now; _as the one she loved_. He was no longer family to her; he was more much more and she no longer feared this. Affection's threat had come true; she _loved_ Garfield Logan. She hadn't told him that but rejection on the level she had given him would be as equally painful, but she did not fear this as she gazed into his eyes. There was only a fear but also desire to give a positive answer, the fear seemed to be of the consequences of that desire but she saw that he quickly dismissed it.

When he nodded in her hand she had never felt so happy, not laughter but content, almost… warm. She smiled genuinely and widely, and when he had stopped crying at seeing her do this she felt even happier, and pulled him back into the hug, which he finally returned. She was just so happy; she didn't care that vault door opened during their embrace and she didn't even care that she would have to have 'the talk of girls' with Starfire. She was too content.

--

A/N: Hope that was good enough to make up for the fact I now have to disappear. The beginning, as stated, is a dream to raven the her/she pronouns should all represent Raven; the reason behind the fact it feels like Raven is the one attacking because the dream is that she is Rage but still has her own thought process. My physics for Nevermore were rubbish I admit but I've never seen anything to make what happened in this chapter imposssible. Raven does realise her feelings of love first because she no longer has reason to prevent herself from feeling them, because she has already realised she should love and can be loved, futhermore she has already come to trust BB, and the others, with everything. Please review.


	6. Giggle

**Giggle**

She had let nine days pass after Garfield agreed to 'talk' to her about himself, and even though she would have preferred to talk with him sooner she had several good reasons for the delay.

For one she wanted him to relax his defences, since it was obvious he would be prepared to defend himself in their discussion, despite his agreement, out of instinct. So if she had been able she would have approached him the next day, however, she needed to rest after the events in Nevermore and thus giving him time to prepare himself was unavoidable. So as she had healed herself in a self induced coma state she had discussed with Wisdom and Knowledge on how to proceed. The first conclusion was that Garfield's efforts to defend himself would be too great immediately after she awakened so she allowed him time in order for him to become less alert of her approach.

She also used the time to give Affection an earful about how it was all the emotion's fault that she had fallen in love, again. Not only that but with Garfield, the same boy that still could drive her round the bend with complete ease! Still after several hours of arguing and eventual mutiny by the most of her emotions to protect Affection from her wrath, even Rage acted to stop her which to her was a complete oxymoron, she accepted her feelings towards the changeling. Truthfully she had accepted it as she spoke to Garfield in the vault, but she wanted Affection to pay for making her this vulnerable again. She trusted him and was secretly happy that Affection picked (sort of) wisely this time, she was happy to trust Garfield with her heart, secretly of course. As in the sense she bargained with Happy to stay silent about why the pink clad girl was more hyperactive and giggly than usual, a lot of hours play would be needed to be paid.

A much bigger reason though was Starfire, she had often sensed the alien princess pass by her room several times as she had healed herself from Nevermore. Not to mention the many, "Friend Raven, is your healing now complete? I wish to have the talk of girls with you?" that often broke the peaceful silence of Nevermore, as well as interrupt her council with her emotions. She had been desperate to avoid Starfire so much so that she had prolonged her healing process to take two full days, despite the fact it would make her the hypocrite when considering how she was giving Garfield no real chance to evade her questioning. However, in the end she had given up to have her herbal tea; granted her state made it unnecessary for her to drink or eat but going without her tea had been a serious test.

At this crucial point of admission to an addiction to herbal aromas and flavours these events occurred:

(A/N: This is to avoid having to use _italics_ for a flashback, or use the word 'had' over and over and over…. Well, just so I don't use it as much, seriously check chap 1; it's ridiculous.)

She made it to the kitchen area of the common room without encountering the often hyperactive alien, but the instant she'd opened the tea leaf box she felt Starfire's presence behind her, it was as if the princess somehow teleported there. Sensing this sudden event shocked her considerably, enough to make her jump in fright causing her to knock her preferred cup to the floor, upon contact it smashed into . She wasn't angered and didn't need or want an apology but was surprised when Starfire did not instantly offer one, or even speak, as was per the usual. Then again, what she could sense from the woman behind her was not the usual, causing her to turn and face Starfire to see a sight she personally had never received.

Starfire was angry but not the usual anger caused by general outrage, which often took the form of a yell or roar at either Garfield or Victor for one of their pranks or any other woman who flirted with the dear 'lover Robin'. Starfire's anger was not a simple outburst; it was focused and calm hatred, nowhere near the level Blackfire received from the princess but still. It was almost on par with the glare and anger she often gave Garfield for bothering her with his bad jokes, yet for Starfire it was almost unprecedented and it hurt her to have the woman she saw as a sister look at her like that. Despite her experience and success in glaring matches she broke quickly under the usually happy eyes of her friend, "Why are you looking at me like that Starfire?" Her voice timid and weak and her eyes diverted to the floor, even she was not immune to the Tameranean's anger.

"You have deliberately avoided me, friend Raven. This included prolonging your healing process, did it not?" was the angry reply, to which her response was a simple nod, "After I stated numerous times that I wished to talk with you, but this is not why I am angry with you, friend Raven." Again she nodded her head, she knew Starfire's reason was not selfish, but she didn't have the slightest idea at what enraged her friend. "Friend Beast Boy has been most upset these past two days and has barely left his own room. He did not even accept friend Cyborg's challenge to the running of a game marathon." Those words made her lift her head to face the green eyes of the princess, despite the ill verb that still on occasion entered her friend's speech.

"What?" her distress was evident in her voice, it didn't surprise her, Starfire only continued to glare at her with crossed arms, "I'm sorry, Starfire, his room is sealed from my empathy I didn't know it was upsetting him." What she said was truth but it did little to soften the alien's stare.

"How could you not know?" Starfire snapped, causing her serious confusion as well as discomfort, "You were recovering after a battle with him. Is it not obvious that he is worried by the thought he may have seriously hurt you? Not to forget he has always been upset whenever you sustain an injury." Starfire paused at this moment to study her reactions, and she had to admit that now she was under someone else's scrutiny, she did not enjoy it. "If you did not wish to speak to me about your relationship," she had to fight the urge to wince at that term, "with friend Beast Boy you simply had to tell me so, but your actions are comparable to that of a rotten Varblamek. Your tactics to evade me have hurt friend Beast Boy feelings and you mu-," Starfire continued to scold until realising just how much she was affected by the words. At which the alien's voice became soft and worried, "Friend Raven?"

Her eyes had returned to facing the floor, her mouth sealed shut as to try preventing her lip from quivering and she knew that her hood was casting a darker shadow than it often did. Starfire's words had made her realise and face a horrible truth; she had been selfish and in her childish ignorance whilst she had planned how best to help Garfield be happy she been ignorant to his feelings, as well as the others'. How could she have been so stupid!? The others' feelings, especially Garfield's, were more important to her than her privacy, yes, she prized it highly but not above her friends. How could she have not considered such a blatant possibility? Granted staying in his room was something she had expected but she had never considered his feelings about his fight with Rage, it hadn't even occurred to her to account for how he felt about talking to her, how could she be so selfish and inconsiderate? It took all her will to only let one tear escape her eye. "I'm sorry, Starfire, but there is another reason for Garfield's silence and it means that I cannot apologize to him about this."

"Then please explain this reason to me," Starfire had evidently picked up on how strong her resolve was to uphold this statement, the voice that met her ears was now caring and sisterly, "but I ask that you face me as you do so." She complied with the request, granted her eyes were still sad but her gaze was strong and she refused to let it faulter as she locked stares again with Starfire.

"During his entire time with us he has never shared his true feelings with any of us, including Victor," Starfire eyes widened at hearing this, Garfield's mask had evidently fooled the innocent alien to some extent, "Even though I am an empath he has hidden himself from me extremely well; he's suppressed his emotions to prevent us from seeing what burdens he has on his heart, he has even gone as far to have his room sealed from my powers as I mentioned. He seems to have two reasons for this; the first is that he does not wish to harm our feelings with those burdens and that sharing his burdens with such consequences would make him _weak_, as he puts it. The second…" she trailed off at the thought of the idea that Garfield thought they would hate him for the burdens he carried.

"Are you saying that friend Beast Boy has always acted as you did while hiding your past?" Starfire had let irritation re enter her voice, yet now it wasn't directed at her, she nodded her reply. "That foolish Zargnarfe!" After this yell Starfire turned as if to head toward door to the bedroom corridor, this surprised her somewhat since the alien seemed to be fuming, rather than upset as had been the reaction to learning her secrets. Maybe it was because she had made no secret of her burdens, she had refused to share them but she had never lied about her state of mind. However, if Starfire intervened it would ruin any chance she had of helping Garfield; she could not and would not allow this.

"_Wait!_" was unanimous shout from Nevermore and her own mouth, as she teleported herself to block the Tameranean's path, and it was Starfire's turn to be shocked. It wasn't often she openly protected Garfield from what he deserved and what he did deserve was good earful about stupid he was for thinking they would hate him, but she wanted to help him. She wanted to be the person to help him, it was selfish but she didn't care, she _loved_ him as more than family and she… "Starfire, please, let me deal with Garfield. He has agreed to show me his feelings and that is his other reason for him staying in his room, and it is why I cannot apologize. He's trying to prepare himself so that he can hide as much as possible as well as accept what I make him tell me, I've also used this time to plan when and how it is best to approach him," Starfire's expression seemed to be evolving through different states of surprise from shock to simple confusion, and somehow her voice remained monotone with only a few threats of cracking, "If I apologize I will appear _weak_ in my resolve to help him and if you scold him now he will refuse to trust me since I have already told you more than I should have, and I… I want him to… trust _me_." The final words were a quiet admission as she had been unable to stop herself due to the momentum she had gained while speaking, even though she had realised what she was going to say. However, Starfire heard each word loud and clear and the knowing smile that crept onto the alien's lips was less than comforting.

"Very well, friend Raven," was the satisfied reply, "I will not confront friend Beast Boy about his lies and foolishness," the choice of words intrigued her, she could definitely sense that Starfire was bitter over the fact that Garfield had been hiding his pain for so long, "You have also convinced me that it is best that you do not apologize to friend Beast Boy for hurting his feelings in ignorance, but," Starfire's eyes, voice and emotions now conveyed a strong resolve that was not often present in the princess' demeanour, "I ask that you be more considerate about the ones you love even when your goal is to help them. Also…" the smile became even more unnerving, "we will have to have the talk of girls soon. Heehe."

With that little giggle the issue had been closed and she had saved herself from having to reveal her new feelings for Garfield, vocally at least, and Starfire had not bothered her since, but she had to admit she was grateful for Starfire's words. After their conversation she told Garfield she was okay, and he had expressed evident relief, proving Starfire's deductions correct. She did not, however, mention the 'talk', she merely went back to her normal routine while devising the rest of her plans carefully in her head and, literally so, during meditation. This was in the hope that he would allow himself to relax his fears of her questioning him.

Over the week from then till the current moment she had perfected her plan, or 'scheme' as Rude called it, she decided her topic; his gloves, they had already been mentioned and she was more than curious about what Garfield hid from himself as well as others. Also she had come up with a system of compromise so as to give him something to show how much she trusted him as well as to earn his, and to make the situation fair for both of them.

The final reason for the time taken to execute her plan was situation; in the end she, Wisdom and Knowledge had concluded that Garfield's defences would be lowest when he was tired and frustrated. He would be hastier and less resistant in answering her.

"Now," was her simple command to Garfield as they entered the common room after the day's training session.

--

A/N: I'm ending it there for several reasons. One, I wanted this story to have an original chapter. Two, if this is not up to scratch I can remove it and re write with next chapter as one. Three, I wanted to release something this Tuesday. If this is bad please tell me since I feel I've gotten Star wrong and I'm just not sure if the conversation was right. I mean I've done bad chaps in my view before and just deleted and re written but I'm just not sure with this one. The idea is to explain Raven's time delay and to give Starfire's place in the story and an idea of the sister bond she has with both Rae and BB, and also to show that Rae is not perfect in her predictions of BB and she does need help on occasion other than that of her emotions. The next chap will be Raven's side of the 'Guide' chapter in control. Please review.

Respost/N: Sorry for the repost but I forgot to say a few things and I corrected some mistakes while I was at it. One, in Control chapter Dedication the short explanation Raven gives of her past, I have now learned, differs from mainline a little too much in words but I do have a solution to that planned and it will be explained in detail when this story gets there. Two, no one's solved the annorgram (sp?) in Control yet. Three, thank you for your compliments and advice it's vastly appreciated. Four, I'm off on hoilday for a week and a bit so... sorry.


	7. Broken

**Broken**

Garfield reacted as expected to her command; he whined in fatigued frustration, "Why now? Can't I have one hour to watch T.V?" He was even desperate enough to try his puppy dog eye look, but she remained neutral in action and angry in stare and Garfield soon realised that he could not and would not win. "Okay, where?" at least he knew when he stood no chance.

"My room," she replied instinctively, this was part of her plan to make the 'talk' fair and was a more than necessary sacrifice or her privacy, _'That's not it. You want to let him in, you want him to see us and like it,'_ she heard Affection whisper in accusation. _'If that's true then it's your doing!'_ she yelled in thought, silencing Nevermore for now.

Garfield only raised his eyebrows in surprise to the fact she was allowing into her room, even inviting him and she could sense that he was happy for it. Hope began to build in her alongside a silent confidence; Bravery was exercising some muscle and wearing a grin under that dark green cloak, she was sure of it. However, the rest of her family emitted a severe spike in the emotions of confusion and surprise, she turned to see masks of shock written across the three faces of Victor, Richard and Starfire, "What?" she asked, seeing Garfield's smirk in the corner of her eye, "Since when do I allow your opinions to influence my actions?"

The threes reactions then took on separate natures. Richard became even more surprised, possibly at the realisation that she had closed her mental link with him and was preventing him access to her thoughts and motivations; she didn't need him interfering. Starfire was happy, more than happy; the princess was ecstatic but was exercising uncharacteristic control by only smiling widely and not jumping around giggling and squealing, she'd have to thank Starfire later for such restraint. Victor's attention had obviously turned to thinking of how best to use to new event to extort something from Garfield, not surprising really as the pair seemed to have some kind of contest of espionage over who had the most 'dirt' on the other.

She dismissed the others' reactions for now, subconsciously planning on how to deal with their confusion and inevitable questions later. She turned to the exit from the common room that would eventually lead her and Garfield to the bedrooms… _her_ bedroom, which was an idea she was still resisting the idea of internally. _'He'll hate us, he already hates us, leave him alone and he might not hate us more. We shouldn't let him in; he'll laugh and joke about us…reject us,'_ Timid's whimpering in Nevermore didn't help. As Garfield followed her she felt a resentment rise within him, it wasn't personal to her though, it was more toward his actions; he clearly hated what was happening.

"If you really don't want to do this you don't have to," she said, offering him a way out, in cold monotone; this process had to be made of his own free will to be successful, and that was the only path she would allow herself to take. Garfield's regret was instant; he hadn't wanted her to sense his discomfort for the situation, she concluded that this meant he had made his choice already and she was happy for that. _'You're more than happy for it, admit it,'_ Affection whispered playfully, the sensation was as if the emotion's mouth was next to her ear.

"We both know I don't wanna do this, Rae," Garfield replied, _'Hearing him call you that name makes you even happier, doesn't it? Or is that not the right word? Nervous, maybe? Excited?'_ she wasn't even able to think of a retort, all she could manage was an unsuccessfully suppressed blush, "but I agreed to tell you what you wanna know, so it doesn't matter how I feel about it." The pause that followed the end of Garfield's answer was so embarrassing, since she knew he had caught the scent of her blush that it was almost impossible for her to focus on the importance of his words, "By the way, _Rae_, are you blushing?"

"No." Her volume was too loud, _'You're lying. You know it, I know and so do the rest of us, and so does_ _he__,'_ she cursed herself for letting her pink cloaked emotion foil her bluff and even more for letting the same emotion affect her so much in the first place. Mercifully, thank Azar, Garfield remained silent until the rest of the walk; although the silence was tense she was glad of it. It allowed her to mentally lock Affection's lips shut and with that annoyance solved she focused on the task now in front of her: her room. "This will be a fair trade of information," she stated, firmly back in monotone, keeping her face hidden behind the shadow of her cloak, "Letting you into my room is my first trade." This was her plan, she would sacrifice her own privacy in exchange for him doing the same, it was fair and Garfield's stubborn pride would be able to accept the situation as at least a draw rather than a defeat.

She pressed the door release and drew in long deep breathes in order to help suppress both feelings and instincts that caused her to protect the sanctum of her room. She remained still as Garfield stood next to her observing the room, observing _her_. It had changed along with her, but only three of the changes mattered to her. One, her bed linen; it was no longer grey and toneless has many used to judged her. Two, the painting of the on the wall of an Earth autumn night in a fully leafed forest; it was no longer the burned grey trees depicted in Azarath lore. Three, the window on the right that now spanned the entire wall; she could now see the world and allow it to see her when she chose. These three things epitomised the affect the Titans, her family, had had on her; she was able to feel and show emotion, this was her home now not Azarath and she no longer needed to hide herself from those around her. Even with that truth, however, she became more than scared of how Garfield was judging; he'd been silent in shock for two whole minutes but now it changed to confused curiosity. "Where's the huge trunk that was next to your closet where it used to be?"

"In the closet that is now in the far left corner adjacent to my bed" she replied, deciding to walk into the room to at least be in familiar surroundings when he rejected her, her fears continued to grow a Garfield stayed outside taking in the whole room. "Is it really that bad?" she asked, not turning back to meet his eyes she refused to see his disgusted fear, which was all she could foresee from the shock she sensed within him.

His reaction was unexpected to say the least, "Nope, it's really that good," she spun on the spot to try and confirm what she felt coming from him; his smile and his emerald eyes did just that. He was happy, "It's you, Rae, how could I not be amazed?"

'_Did you need to ask?'_ she thought, despairingly, as she replied, "You've always said I am 'creepy'," unable to maintain eye contact with green gems and hiding in the shadow of her hood. Garfield then walked toward her and into her room, the door hissing shut, he truly wasn't afraid? He pulled back her hood and lifted her chin gently so that their faces were only inches apart; forcing her to look back into the unbelievable wild green orbs, there was no fear in them.

"Now who's the hypocrite? You kept telling me not to see myself as 'ugly', but here you are doing the exact same thing," his voice was soothing to her ears but this did not blind her to how serious he was,. "Every time I said you were 'creepy' I meant that you scare me and you are mysterious," Timid whaled within Nevermore, and the seal on Affection's mouth broke, but all her manifested love could do was join in the cries, "but, who said that's a bad thing," the crying stopped "I'm sorry that I hurt you with that word; I know what it's like to be feared and hated as a monster, and to fear those you love see you as that as well. That's part of why we are here isn't it? Just know this, Rae. We're family; you may scare me but only when I have done something that you would hate me for, or when you do something I can't understand. Which lets face it, is completely unavoidable, huh? And you are mysterious since you hide yourself from me and the world." These words were all that mattered to her, they filled her with hope, a hope that maybe she could be _loved_ by the one she had now given her heart too, all be it silently. She smiled genuinely as he finished and when he smiled back it only let hers grow wider, not to mention Happy and Affection were squealing like giddy children in Nevermore.

"Then, you are 'creepy', Garfield," she joked, it almost felt natural for her with Garfield standing so close to her, it worked surprisingly well he laughed and laughed strongly. "So, now we have my first secret revealed, shall we move on to yours?" she asked, returning completely to monotone, to which he nodded and sat at the foot of the bed as she gestured for him to do so, ever the gentleman Garfield removed his shoes before sitting crossed legged on the deep purple duvet. She took her seat at the head of the bed and sat in her meditation lotus position and reconnected her eyes to his, this time neither of them was willing to be the one to break the stare. "Let's start with the obvious," she said, earning a groan in response, "Please, take your gloves off, Garfield."

"Can we reach a truce on the name before we move on?" he whined, not trying to stall, evidently the boy's pride still couldn't take that name easily; she raised her eyebrow at the childish complaint.

"If you call me 'Rae', then I can call you whatever I want," she quipped; her demonic side enjoying the power in the statement, even Affection chuckled at it. Garfield, realising his defeat in this little game, hung his head and lost the staring contest with the same action, "Now, please…"

"I know, I know," the changeling whined as he finally removed the synthetic gloves and revealed his real hands to her for the first time. It was instantaneous; Garfield's mind reacted with extreme sorrow and fear at what he saw on his hands as he eyes fixed upon his palms, however, to her the source of these emotions were lost to her. His hands looked as she would have expected upon first meeting him; green in colour and generally human in shape, the only serious deviation being that the tips of his fingers were in fact claws and razor sharp to the point. However, there was only one mark on each hand that visibly caught her attention so that was where she decided to investigate first.

Her entire thought process was rushed as a result of Garfield's reaction and the need within her to help lessen the pain of his memories, and it was within a few seconds that she had clutched each of his hands in one of her own. "Why do you have these symbols on the back your hands? I know the mark on the right means male and the left symbol is the Greek letter alpha, but I don't know what circumstances surround them?" she asked, very carefully as she gently moved her thumbs across the scars, which appeared to be scars created with excess heat.

"They mean that I was the primary male specimen that was studied in the S.T.A.R. Labs facility in Mossaka. They're branding marks to signify my importance to the lab," Garfield replied, raising his head to lock stares with her again an uncharacteristic seriousness to his green eyes. She did not allow herself to react, not yet, despite the questions escaping Nevermore, "I was captured as an animal, or demon beast as the locals saw it, in a section of jungle in the Democratic Republic of the Congo but I was taken to Mossaka after being bought by the head scientist of the facility." Garfield's anger began to build as he envisioned the memories, proving that the branding marks were not the answers she wanted. Yet, she let her gaze soften as he revealed his past, she knew exactly how it felt to be treated as a demon; she was literal demon spawn.

"These marks bring you anger?" she asked, continuing her scanning of his hands not just limiting herself to the scars, he nodded in assurance, "But why could I sense fear and sorrow in you? You have no other significant marks on your hands that are not from your genetic differences to normal humans, I was expecting signs of torture." She admitted as she failed to see anything significant on his palms.

"If you're looking for that you just have to look past the fur on my back, Rae," Garfield's tone had become slightly mocking, which made her, '_How can he joke about something like that?_' but he his voice lost that mocking tone as he pressed on, "like I said before: I know how to read my hands you don't." The widening of her eyes was reflex and she had no chance of preventing it, Garfield returned to his nightmares as he once again stared at his hands never flinching, _'MAKE HIM SHOW US! MAKE HIM TELL US!'_ cried Nevermore in a tearful yell, only Wisdom's voice remaining silent.

"Garfield," she pleaded, letting her monotone shatter at last, "Please, tell me everything. I want to know, I want to understand why they pain you so," but she didn't think he could even answer her now, the situation was breaking him, she was already moving across the bed as he tried to answer.

"I ran…" he started but then he began to cry, he defences were now broken and he was exhausted, and Garfield lost his balance began to fall of the bed. She caught and wrapped her arms around him as he cried; she pulled him up the bed and rested his head in her lap.

"Shhh…"she whispered as she began to stroke his hair, "It's okay, Garfield, just continue when you are ready to." She said as comforting as she was able, it was effective enough, it was needed as much for herself as him. As she now looked down at the crying man, it was the first time she had ever looked at him as more than a childish teenager, yes she _loved_ him but in her thoughts he'd stayed as the goofy little boy he portrayed himself as even though she had already seen beyond that part of him. Not now, during this 'talk' she had seen what _he_ truly was; a grown and troubled young man letting her see his nightmares and he deserved that recognition. She had broken his defences but she could not and would not allow him to break, she wanted to protect him, to help him and for him to trust her to do so, it was how she felt for him.

"On my fifth birthday…" Garfield started before, 'WAAAAH!' the alarm sounded, cutting him off and ruining the moment.

"Titans, jewellery theft by a gang of around 20 armed male and female suspects. They have several hostages an-" Nightwing started to instruct from both of their communicators

"Richard!" she yelled into the pocket device in anger, it was the best response available to her as the main option was allowing Rage to rip out his throat and she had to admit she was more than tempted. "I will say this once: Garfield and I are not coming! Find the help you need from someone else and do not question me!" She did not even allow her brother like leader a chance to argue, though she knew he wasn't enough of a fool to even think of trying. She turned both communicators off with her powers and placed a barrier around the bed, halting any sound, or force, from interrupting them again. She moved her face back to Garfield's and returned her voice to what had been before the alarm, "Continue, Garfield," she said earning a genuine smile from the green man still with tears in his eyes.

--

A/N: Well what do you think? Good, terrible, too much OOC? Any complaints will be noted, as well as any praise, I mean it was a little fluffy compared to Control version of the chapter wasn't it? Affection's words are really there to reflect what Affection encarnates: love, care and lust. BB's words are a litte edited to try and make it seem a little more like what he'd say.


	8. Unforgivable

**Unforgivable**

"As I saw it everything was perfect," Garfield began, his tears finally slowing but never ceasing, "I had everything. A five year old doesn't need much to be happy: a home, a family, friends. My mom and dad lived where they worked; in the jungles surrounding the Congo River in the Équateur territory. They went as researchers and ended up getting married and raising me there, cliché huh?" He jested trying to lessen his pain, an action she approved so she gave a light hum as she stroked his hair to let him know she was with him. Her reward was a rise in his happiness causing warmth in her as if coat had been wrapped around her to shield her from the cold. "We even lived in one of the 'sort of' peaceful times there. I won't say the country was a happy one, Zaire, never was but the common people lived mainly free of violence and so did we."

"Zaire?" she asked in confusion, she was certain that wasn't the name he had used for the country before.

"That's what it was called until the end of the First Congo War. I never saw the fighting up close but I heard the fights going on from the jungle." The answer fit but the history of Garfield home was not the history she was truly interested in, it was _his_. She allowed him to see her displeasure through her stare, it was a strict action but this was too important to be lenient about. He nodded his acknowledgement of the warning before continuing.

"We lived next to a small village that surrounded the Congo River, north-east from Mbandaka. My parents had lived there since the seventies and my birth was as a full tribe member, even after turning green they still regarded me as one of their own children." Garfield tears intensified as he allowed his memories to surface,'_So much pain. How did you hide this from me Garfield?_'

"What happened Garfield?" she asked, encouraging him to continue. '_Don't let up Raven. This will allow his scars to heal in time._' Wisdom's voice trickled through her thoughts and she knew the all knowing emotion was right, but she had to constantly remind herself not to tell him to stop and hold him close until his cries ceased. "No matter the events that happened you were too young to possibly have any control in them." However, she knew what it was to lose everything and take the blame for it. To be the reason for your own misery and the suffering of your loved ones. That ever crushing burden caused by love.

"Always protect the ones you love from harm." The strength in the statement almost frightened her at how strong it proved Garfield's belief in it to be. He raised his hands to become lost in the memories once again and she knew the sentence was the root of the pain he found in his palms. "It was the one absolute rule my parents taught me, not out of strict discipline; it was their way of life, and it's my way of life, Rae." She simply watched in awe of Garfield as he said these words; it was all she could do. To realise how unbreakable his resolve could be to hate himself so much. "My dad saved me from certain death, Rae, even though everyone told him I would die from Sakutia. Only my mom believed in him, but I doubt he even needed that, he would have saved me anyway. My mom had already saved me from just dying at the hands of the ape that attacked me because it was finally dying from Sakutia. That's who they were, Rae: heroes."

"So are you Garfield," she finally cut in, needing to make him see some sense, "You risk your life night and day for people you don't even know, as well as the ones you love." Why couldn't he see what they all loved about him? What she _loved_ about him?

Garfield's reaction was instant, as if he had finally reached a breaking point. "For my fifth birthday my parents took me for a boat ride down the river since my favourite game was to explore the shores for miles each way with my friends from the village. When we came back..." The hurt she felt within him was unreal, was this it? Was he finally trusting her with his pain? She kept quiet waiting for her answer, praying to Azar that he would show what she wanted to see; _Garfield_. "It was burning; everything was burning. Our home, the village, the surrounding jungle even the villagers themselves! I could see what looked like an army shooting the villagers, _my tribe_, and setting new fires. I simply froze and cried in fear; I just couldn't do anything else! My dad went to help the tribe, while my mom hid me from sight and told me to be quiet before following. I just remained frozen by my fear. I just watched as my whole world was burnt or shot in front of me."

For one instant relief and happiness flooded her entire being. '_HE TRUSTS US!_' Nevermore proclaimed in unison and the meaning washed through her, soothing her, making her feel... warm... complete. It was only an instant. What Garfield was sharing with her was more important than her elation that he was willing to share it with her at all. _Garfield_ was more important.

Garfield rose from her lap to sit and intensify his glare at his hands. His anger and sadness were rising by the second and as he continued to speak that sadness was laced into his voice. "Even when my mom stumbled back into my sight bleeding, I just stayed there! Frozen. I watched as _**he**_ walked up behind her and shot her in the back, all I did was look into her eyes as she screamed at me to run! Then, I just ran! How could I just do that!? I let _**him**_ destroy my whole world, while _**he**_ laughed in front of me. I left my mom to die! I never even saw my dad again! I ran because I was too scared. I was scared because I knew I was too _weak_!" She did not even try to process a reaction, not yet, but Garfield would get one soon enough. This '_**He**_' was certainly a crucial factor that needed to be addressed, especially since it was clear Garfield refused to give a name, but she needed to hear it all. If he was stopped now she was certain he would never be able to finish. "It was the first time I ever changed: my fear drove me to any resort to getaway, that's how _weak_ I was! I tapped into my powers that bring me physical pain so I could run, even after that I still didn't try to save anyone I just kept running! And when I couldn't do that anymore I just sat down and cried into my palms."

How could he..? How _dare_ he hate himself for this!? How _dare_ he believe they, that she, would hate him for this!? To hate someone so innocent of sin for being rescued by those who loved him! She wanted to throttle the idiot sitting in front of her. If Garfield had still been the same annoying family goofball to her she probably would have and then carved the obvious truth that he refused to see onto his skin!

However, it was not Rage's battle cry that filled Nevermore now; it wasn't even a single emotion. What occupied the entire realm of her mind were cries. The tearful and unhindered cries of her emotions, she didn't even know exactly which ones but it had to be most of them. '_Why did you hide this Garfield? We would have all loved and comforted you then as I will now, but... HOW DID YOU HIDE THIS FROM ME!?_' Her own thoughts screamed as she tried to contemplate how she had failed her comrade, her _love_, for so many years by failing to sense his wounds.

This inner conflict caused her to drop the sound barrier she had created after the alarm so that she could remain silent; Garfield wasn't finished yet. Although the tears were already escaping her eyes she needed to allow him to finish.

"My age has nothing to do with it! I can remember every detail of my hands on that night: the scratches from trees and earth, the natural lines. Every time I see my hands I see those details. Each one reminds me of the truth: I let the ones I loved **die**! I'm nothing but a _weak mon_-" Realising what Garfield was going to say changed her decision instantly; he could not and would not be allowed to finish that... that **lie**. She flung herself forward and brought an arm over his shoulder to clasp his mouth shut, while the other wrapped around his chest. She rested her chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent and warmth, praying silently that he would listen to her.

"Do not finish that sentence." Her volume was barely above a whisper and she couldn't hide her tears in her tone. "Garfield, let me remind you of a truth. You were an infant; no infant is expected to even be able to protect themselves, let alone the ones they love. The ones they love, or rather the ones that love them, protect them. That's exactly what your parents did. From what you describe; it sounds as if they achieved this right up until their dying moment. Do not hate yourself, Garfield. Your mother gave her life for you, as I am sure your father did. I won't say it's something to be happy over, I am not happy my mother sacrificed her life for me, but I do not hate myself for her death. Do you know why?" Garfield finally turned to face her clearly surprised to hear her mention Arella, but every previous hold back she had over revealing her past to him was gone now; she trusted him absolutely. All she wanted now was to help him with his own past because it hurt more than anything to see how he was torturing himself, and she desperately tried to relay that desire to him through her eyes. "My mother wanted me to live. She did not hate me for what my conceiving and birth had brought her. She loved me enough to risk her life for me, as you all did. I can't say I don't feel responsible but I refuse to hate myself because of it."

"How could you hate yourself for that, Rae? If I was the one who lost my life for yours I wouldn't want you hate yourself for that, I'd just be happy that I died for something as good as that." Although the sincerity in Garfield's voice made her want to melt into his arms, it did not change any part of how stupid he was being.

"Stop being a hypocrite, Garfield. You are doing exactly that." she scolded, almost certain her powers were now acting on their own. She pulled his face towards hers and met no resistance until his forehead met her own and her chakra stone was softly pressed against her skull. They were now literally eye to eye. Garfield met her gaze and his eyes looked as if he were lost, but he wasn't afraid; he trusted her with his guidance. His tears finally stopped. '_Thank you._' "Your mother, your father, your tribe. They all died protecting the ones they loved. If that includes you then you should not hate yourself, you should enjoy living for them, not suffering. Just from what you said you should realize that is exactly what your mother wanted."

"Why-- would she want that? Why would any of them want that?" He whimpered still unable to see what she was trying to show him. "_**He**_ even said I was part of the reason." So that was it the man Garfield had mentioned, the one whose name he seemed unable to name, blamed Garfield. "_**He**_ killed them all because of me!" Garfield's tears began to fall again. "_**He**_ told me he wanted me and the villagers wouldn't tell them where I or my parents were. _**He**_ just came because of me. If I hadn't ever been there the village wouldn't have even been attacked. _**He**_ may have even not hurt my parents if I hadn't survived Sakutia."

"STOP IT!" she yelled, unable to let him continue, her sadness overcoming her frustration in the sound. "Who is '_**He**_'?" She tried the direct method hoping Garfield would allow her an answer; he refused. '_Stubborn ass!_' she quickly lost her patience and began her point. "Even if you were part of a mad man's motive it doesn't make you responsible! Did you blame me for my father!?" Garfield flinched under her glare. "No! You did not! Did we blame Starfire for Blackfire's actions!? Did we blame Robin for Slade's persistent mind games!?" That one hurt him, but such tactics were the only options he had left her with. "Stop blaming yourself for something that you could not possibly control, please, Garfield. It doesn't make you _weak_ or _ugly_." Droplets of water began to seep from her eyes again, she had no idea when they had stopped, but she couldn't hold them back anymore. She removed her forehead from his and turned her face downward, not wanting to show how much having to say that plea _hurt_ her. Why did someone so pure need assurance that they were so? A half demon having to lecture the equivalent of an innocent child to not see themselves as evil without question; the irony.

Then a furry and clawed hand cupped her chin without so much as a possible scratch and raised her vision to look at something wonderful. The expression on Garfield's face was grateful and confident and more importantly he wasn't crying. "Don't cry, Rae, please. Otherwise I really won't be able to stop hating myself." Relief flooded her once again but now there was no catch to the cause; she had helped him."Can we save your second question for our next 'talk'?" She nodded in his hand not wanting to ruin this moment with a negative answer. "Thank you, tonight you have been a hero, or rather heroine, to me, Rae."

Then it happened. Garfield leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, just above her chakra gem, ending her thought process.

She saw but didn't register that he swivelled, put on his boots and left her room without another word. She heard but didn't acknowledge the happy and excited screams of triumph in Nevermore. All that occupied her senses were the feeling on the spot he had kissed her and the burning blush on her cheeks.

She remained in this state for several minutes simply revelling in the sensations. Then she fell back onto her bed as the lamps, mirror, and several of her precious books exploded in a blast of aura, glass and paper.

"Garfield Logan," she whispered to the air, brushing her fingers over place his lips had touched, "You truly are...unforgivable." She wandered into her dreams with a grin 'BB' would have been proud of.

--

A/N: DEAR AZAR! This took a long time to write; two whole weeks in fact. Now I know the last update was ages ago but usually I only have to sit down for a few hours on 1-3 nights and I'm done but it's taken 2 weeks. Sorry for the long time and I'm really hope I haven't disappointed anyone (and I'm sorry for any OOCness too). Let me know any problems you have. The title and last dialect are meant as homeage too BB and Rae's bantering relationship, obviously she is happy about the kiss but she'll be holding him too it. The relief near the bginning is meant to represent how much Rae wants BB to trust her. 'Control' is going to take awhile to update since I'm not satisified enough with the most recent chapters so I'll be editing those but when I do update it'll be a double update so I beg for your patience. Please R&R/F.

P.S. No I didn't forget: MERRY CHRISTMAS! Now for my favourite carol

*achem* _"Jingle bells,  
Batman smells,  
Robin laid an egg,  
The Batmobile lost its wheel,  
The Joker got awaaaaay!  
Crashing through the roof,  
In a one horse open tree,  
Busting out I go,  
Laughing all the wheeeee!"  
_~Taken from Batman: The Animated Series ep. "Christmas With The Joker"

Ahh, I love cartoons.

Repost/N: You're right Crazyman, thanks for pointing that out; it's been corrected.


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